Live And Let Die
You'll need to muster all your courage and derring-do to escape the house of film sets with your prize Cast * Janine De Luca * Sam Yao * Jody Marsh * Amelia Spens * Louise Bailey * Emma * Brent Valmont * Jules Plot Actually Rivendell Everyone involved in this mission is very unsure about giving a 'nuclear button' to the Exmoor Militia, but the debate is cut short by approaching guards. Janine's Cooking Something Up You lose the guards in a set of Rivendell for a bit. Jody keeps getting locked out of the cams, but Emma's secretly helping out via her comms. As long as you avoid Narnia you'll be safe. Zombies Behind Us! Amelia knows more than she's letting on about this place and its owner, Mr Valmont. She aids your escape using an override code that's the time and date of her marriage to Mr Valmont. Get To The Exit In A Few With the override code, escaping is now much easier. It turns out Amelia might have some hidden depths after all, not that she's happy with people knowing that. To The Jeep! Janine's waiting at the drop point to extract your team after a small distraction involving the Black Pearl. She and Amelia agree a truce regarding past mistakes. To The Rendezvous On the way to the Exmoor Militia everyone debates whether or not to hand over the nuclear button. In the end Janine takes matters into her own hands, and requests you head to the rendezvous with her. Just Say The Word Janine reveals to Jules that she is in charge, and she knows what's in the box. Jules reveals the Exmoor Militia are the relatives of service personnel on the submarine 'Undaunted', and they want to call them home. Job done: you now have a new ally. S05E28 // Rofflenet Discussion regarding this mission can be found on Rofflenet Transcript LOUISE BAILEY: Okay, Five. I reckon we can stop here and have a think. SAM YAO: Blimey. Who would have adult-sized tricycles in a replica of the hotel from The Shining? Isn’t that just asking for trouble? AMELIA SPENS: Some people really do want to ask for trouble. There’s a personality thing. LOUISE BAILEY: If we’ve got a minute, can we just talk about what the hell we’re going to do with this nuclear button we just nicked from this eccentric billionaire who collects film sets? JODY MARSH: And, subsidiary point, are we going to give it to the Exmoor Militia? SAM YAO: I mean, really, what is a nuclear button? AMELIA SPENS: It’s a call button. Look, puts in a call to a nuclear sub. There will be a few of them still patrolling British waters on tours of duty lasting five to ten years. They’ll have no idea what’s going on up here at all. No way to contact them if they’ve gone dark except this. One press of that button, and you can communicate with them directly, tell them where to point the nukes, and that they have authorization to fire. What? LOUISE BAILEY: You know a lot about it. AMELIA SPENS: I know a lot about a lot of things. I’m great in a pub quiz. JODY MARSH: And what do we think the Exmoor Militia want with it? SAM YAO: Uh, yeah. Guys, sorry, but I think we’re going to have to debate the ethics of nuclear warfare while on the run. Those guards are still coming. You’ve got to keep going. Uh, head towards Rivendell. laughs Bloody hell. It is actually Rivendell. SAM YAO: Okay. You’ve lost the guards for a bit in Rivendell, which you are in. laughs Whoever put this together, I’m impressed with how they chose to spend their billions and billions of pounds. AMELIA SPENS: Don’t be. LOUISE BAILEY: We can’t keep running without any idea of how we’re getting out, Sam. JODY MARSH: We’re working on it. The schematics have changed since Lou designed the security systems, and the cameras keep locking us out. SAM YAO: Look at that! There’s a guy dressed in, well, I think it’s the suit Daniel Craig wore in Spectre, talking to that woman, Emma. I mean, obviously, I am ashamed of knowing which movie Daniel Craig wore that suit in. LOUISE BAILEY: Must be her boss, the billionaire. If you can listen in, you might find out their plans. JODY MARSH: Can we pick up audio from Emma? I think she’s letting us eavesdrop. beeps on, static EMMA: Got you, boss. We’re going to close in through Narnia. Yeah, I’ll send all my forces in via the lamppost and wardrobe entrance. Mister Valmont says to send the forces in from the east. LOUISE BAILEY: She’s a good girl, Emma. Loyal. And absolutely incredible at - JODY MARSH: Uh, do we have to? LOUISE BAILEY: - cooking. She’s an amazing cook, Jo! Her chocolate soufflé ought to be illegal! laughs Maybe it was. JODY MARSH: Oh. All right. Guys, uh, keep running through Rivendell. I’ve got Narnia on the plans. You should miss the guards completely. And I think Janine’s cooking up something for you. Just keep moving. SAM YAO: That is still Rivendell. I didn’t even know they built that much Rivendell. AMELIA SPENS: He probably got them to build extra just for him, because he might want to go for a stroll in Rivendell. That’s the kind of thing he’d do. LOUISE BAILEY: Amelia, are you trying to say that you know our Mister Valmont? The bloke in the Daniel Craig outfit? AMELIA SPENS: Well, I wouldn’t say I know him, exactly. JODY MARSH: Do you know why he’d have a nuclear button? And if it’s real? AMELIA SPENS: If he has it, it’s probably real. SAM YAO: Okay, fun as all this guesswork is, I’ve just spotted seven zombie elves in their elven uniforms. Now, I mean, those uniforms are probably perfectly worked on the inside, too. Do you know how much care they took over those costumes in Lord of the Rings? LOUISE BAILEY: We are not getting a costume off a zombie elf for you, Sam. SAM YAO: No, no, no. That’s fine, that’s good. But if you happen to see one on the floor, though… okay, sorry. Right. Well, you’re going to have to double back. We can’t open the door at the end of Rivendell. AMELIA SPENS: Have you tried the override code? JODY MARSH: We don’t know what that is, Amelia! Uh, unless you do. AMELIA SPENS: Try 23 42 15 10. opens That worked, didn’t it? JODY MARSH: It did. Amelia, what is going on here? What was that number? AMELIA SPENS: He does things like that to make some kind of point. LOUISE BAILEY: What was that number, Amelia? AMELIA SPENS: The time and day we got married. Come on! For God’s sake, what are you both looking at? There are zombies behind us. Run. closes LOUISE BAILEY: All right. We’ve locked three doors between us and the guards with the override code. Sam, Jody, plan? SAM YAO: Mm, Janine’s meeting you with an extraction vehicle at the back of the building. Now we’ve got the override code, it’s plain sailings for the cams. AMELIA SPENS: Good. I don’t want him to see me. JODY MARSH: Okay. Do we have time to deal with the fact that this eccentric billionaire is your ex-husband, and ask why the hell you didn’t mention it before? AMELIA SPENS: It didn’t seem relevant! And I think he might actually just be my husband. I don’t even think we ever got divorced. I always meant to do it. The apocalypse is one big reset anyway. These days, what does marriage even mean? What does anything really mean? SAM YAO: But you were – or like, are – married to him! The bloke who collected all the geekiest film sets in the world. AMELIA SPENS: He just likes collecting things other people want, things that mean a lot to people. Sometimes, he bought things just because he knew lots of other people wanted them, and he didn’t want them to have the satisfaction. I don’t think he’s even seen Lord of the Rings. SAM YAO: What? JODY MARSH: Oh, so you’re saying he’s a selfish ass. Sounds like a match made in heaven. Why aren’t you here, living the good life with the world’s last multi-billionaire? AMELIA SPENS: He’s just not a very good person. LOUISE BAILEY: laughs When did that ever stop you? SAM YAO: Yeah, to be fair, I’d have thought that was like, number one on your dating profile, even before very rich. Like, number one: not a very good person. Number two: enough money to construct actual Rivendell. Number three: oh, I don’t know. Must enjoy betrayal, be willing to sell friends out to highest bidder. Then, GSOH, likes long walks. AMELIA SPENS: Abel Township friends – did I say friends? I meant saps – if you think I’m the zenith of the not a very good person graph, I just hope you never meet Brent Valmont. We need to leave. He can’t find out I’m here. JODY MARSH: You actually sound spooked, Amelia. AMELIA SPENS: And you thought you were the only person to touch me intimately. Sorry to disappoint. Still, maybe you could help me forget him. JODY MARSH: Ew. Now you’ve made it all yuck again. Guys, Janine will be at the drop point soon. Keep running. You’ll get to the exit in a few. on door LOUISE BAILEY: Is that the signal? SAM YAO: Janine’s outside. It’s probably her. beeps, static JANINE DE LUCA: Open the bloody door, Mister Yao. We haven’t much time. I’ve distracted the guards with a small incendiary device in the Black Pearl. SAM YAO: You burned the ship from Pirates of the Caribbean? JANINE DE LUCA: You’d rather that than the TARDIS, I expect, Mister Yao. SAM YAO: He’s got the TARDIS? Well, wait, which TARDIS? I mean, yes. Good call, Janine. Okay, opening the door now. JANINE DE LUCA: Well met, Runner Five, Miss Bailey, Misses Valmont. AMELIA SPENS: If you start with me, Janine, I swear… I swear, I will never forget it. JANINE DE LUCA: If you recall, there was a little matter of a favor I owed you. AMELIA SPENS: Oh, a deal. Good. I can do a deal. JANINE DE LUCA: If you agree not to rub my face in past mistakes, I could do likewise. AMELIA SPENS: Fine. Drop it, and we’re even. JANINE DE LUCA: Honor amongst thieves, indeed. How satisfactory. All of you, this way, quickly. To the Jeep. JANINE DE LUCA: We’ve set some small incendiaries in other parts of the house, so we should be safe from pursuit, and we haven’t far to go to the rendezvous with the Exmoor Militia. SAM YAO: So, uh, we should talk about whether we’re actually going to give this nuclear button to them, shouldn’t we? AMELIA SPENS: Seems obvious to me. They’re our allies, which all of you seem to think means something. We promised we’d deliver. And believe me, it’s better off with the Women’s Institute than it is with Valmont. JODY MARSH: But what if they’re planning to actually launch a nuclear attack? Like, nuclear zombies. I mean, what happens if one apocalypse meets another apocalypse? Nothing good, right? JANINE DE LUCA: We have a duty to our country to consider. There are men and women in that submarine now who have given their lives to protect this nation. Do we hand communications with them to a paramilitary force? Shall we not keep it until such time as there is a non-corrupt government? LOUISE BAILEY: Break it. Say it got smashed in the escape. That way, we’ve fulfilled our end, showed we got what it takes, but no one gets the sub. SAM YAO: But like, have you thought about those people down in that sub? Shouldn’t we be using this communicator to like, help them? Get them out, tell them about the zombies? Wouldn’t you have wanted to know, Janine, if you’d have been on active duty and something like this had happened? AMELIA SPENS: You’re the leader of this merry band of imbeciles, Janine. I suppose the final decision is with you. LOUISE BAILEY: Yeah. I’ll go with what you say. JODY MARSH: It’s make your mind up time. The rendezvous with the Exmoor Militia is over on the other side of that footbridge. Jeep won’t make it. JANINE DE LUCA: Hand the box to me. Five, come with me to the rendezvous. Run! JULES: Oh, hi! Over here. You’re all in one piece, I see. Did you get it? The box? JANINE DE LUCA: We did. We looked inside. JULES: Oh. I see. Despite our having told you not to do that. JANINE DE LUCA: I have a certain responsibility to the world. I will give it to you, if you tell me why you want it. JULES: You’re the leader, aren’t you? Not Amelia. JANINE DE LUCA: Yes. I’m Janine De Luca. The Minister thinks she’s killed me, but here I am. JULES: Good. Then you’ll be honest with me. I’ll be honest with you. You’ve seen our insignia. It says, “We are Undaunted.” JANINE DE LUCA: A very laudible sentiment. JULES: Well, it’s more than a sentiment. It’s who we are. We, the Exmoor Militia. We are the wives and husbands and mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters and children of the men and women serving on the nuclear submarine, the Undaunted. It went dark at the start of the apocalypse. They have fuel and supply dumps in the Arctic and Antarctic. They’ll be dark for a decade if they have to be. They don’t know what’s happened, and they’re out there alone, trying to keep us safe. We want to preserve a home worth coming back to, and we want to bring them home. JANINE DE LUCA: I see, yes. Yes, I understand. Here’s the device. JULES: Oh! If I can just get it open… oh. JANINE DE LUCA: What’s wrong? JULES: It’s corroded. Look, here and here. This is an old, out-of-date communicator. It was probably scrapped before the Undaunted went out on her last voyage. sighs I expect that’s how Valmont got hold of it. JANINE DE LUCA: Oh. I’m sorry. I really… I really am sorry. JULES: No. We knew this might happen. We can still get useful information from it about how to build our own communicator. We will find them, Colonel De Luca. We will bring them home. JANINE DE LUCA: Yes. I know you will. JULES: And until then, you’ve done your job. You can count on the help of the Exmoor Militia whenever you need it, just say the word.Category:Season Five Category:Mission